This Bee learning the Buzz

So they moved me from the observation room to this regular hospital room with a room mate. I didn't see her at first but I was nervous. When she came in, I was so excited. She told me her story with her own issues and I told her mine. She was great! She encouraged me to get out as much as possible from the hospital so I wouldn't have to come back. Most everyone is repeat visitors.

So I really listened to the therapists and they all referred to having tools in your tool box. I thought that was weird because I am not a carpenter, but that meant having ways and plans to counteract the reason why we where in the hospital in the first place. I learned that I needed to change my vocabulary and not use "I can't!" anymore. Why you say I can't? Because we use that as an excuse to not do things that are a little hard or uncomfortable. We use our disease as a crutch.

Well, I thought I don't do that. Well, yes I did. Not cleaning my house, not going to church, not going to functions of my boys. It was always an excuse of I can't when I could but it just took too much effort. Well I have anxiety and I will have an attack, so what it only lasts about 15 minutes at the most and you get over it. You are not going to die from being uncomfortable or putting to much effort in. These were the things I was learning and they were true.

Visitation time was tough for me because my boys where not old enough to see me and I didn't want them to see me or some of the others in the condition that we where. My husband always came and family members came and that was encouraging. My husband always came to family family and he participated. He wanted to learn how to help me so they went over a lot of the same things they went over in therapy. My wonderful mother in law (she's really like my Mom) kept my children during the stay in the hospital and got my boys where they needed to be. For that giving them a stable enviroment was more than I could ever ask for and I will forever be appreciative for that.

Second day, had second panic attack while walking down the hall and my case worker helped me with that one. She taught me the 5 senses. Taste, tough, smell, hear, and see. Start listing 5 things that you are observing with each sense and by the time you finish the attack is gone because you are back in reality and you are ok.

So this hospital stay lasted 5 days and it was much of the same but no more panic attacks that where unmanagable and I was ready with the help of many hours of therapy and counseling to come home. The true test was when I came home if I could put it into practice.

Please continue reading as there will be more to come. But I am thankful for God using those family included who helped me and encouraged and prayed for me during that time. That is what got me through.