Little Bee Growing into Big Bee History

As far back as I can remember, I was always hard on myself. A little bit of a control freak you would say. My way or the highway kind of thing. Always straight A's and always never feeling like I could do enough for attention from my parents. They were awesome, loving, yet firm Christian parents.
Then about the age of 13 or so I became real emotional especially around the time of my cycle. I had extreme cramps and so very much on a roller coaster of emotions. I was put on the pill at age 16 to try to counteract this problem. That helped for many years.
As I got a little bit older and got married at age 23, I noticed that during that time I would have these fits of rage come over me and then wonder why I just did that. I would lash out at my husband so bad that I can't believe he never left my side. I would throw things, yell, scream and say really awful stuff and then after it was over I would have so much remorse and he always forgave me.
So I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and put me on my first antidepressants, Celexa. I soon found out I was pregnant in 2000 and he took me off during the first trimester and realized that I was suffering from Depression. He put me back on them during the second trimester and from then on. I did great till I got pregnant for the second time in 2003 and he had to take me off the meds for the second time during the first trimester. Then back on during the second.
After my second child was born things really changed. I started having these awful mood changes of having boundless energy and going with no sleep to being depressed and so low that I would often want to run away.
It then began to be a roller coaster of cycles of meds to try to get things under control. On October 26, 2005 I heard the awful words that you are Bipolar with an Anxiety Disorder.
I was shocked. The doctor was great and he tried to explain to me what was going on with the cycles of mania and depression. No matter how he explained it. It was ugly and I thought that only crazy people were Bipolar. I thought I don't want this and I want it to go away.
I wrote in my journal that I was embarrassed by it because I didn't want people thinking is she high or is she low and what to do around me. I just wanted to be normal whatever that was!!!!