Becoming a real Bee

Let me remind you why I use Bees all the time, the way a Bee is shaped he shouldn't be able to fly. But he does, because that is what God created him to do. I was ready to become that bee. Not an overnight process, but a day to day walk with my Bipolar and Anxiety Disorder.

You see I was overcome with grief also. I had lost my Mom just a few years ago and I had never dealt with that, so it was time. I remembered the nurse telling me a tactic to use that may help overcome grief. Write my Mom a letter, and tell her everything I thought she needed to know. So I did, I told her everything, my depression, my anger, and my resentment. I went to the graveside and I read the letter out loud so I could hear the words, then I burned it. I let it on fire never to pick it up again. My grief was gone no longer to be shackled by it. I still miss her deeply and always will, but I can now go on and live my life and wait till the day I get to see her in Heaven.

Now to deal with the anxiety and depression, I decided to go see a Christian counselor again.
I began to learn that God allowing me to have this disease was not a punishment nor a curse (even though it felt like it). I was chosen for a reason because in His infinite wisdom He has a purpose for everything. He had a purpose for my life beyond the Bipolar.

I was doing better with the anxiety. I still take 3 pills a day for it, but it is managed. I was having troubles in crowds like staying in church, and the grocery stores and stuff, but even that has gotten better. I have come to realize that I am going to be alright and nothing is going to happen to me.

I started to deal with my Spiritual wall also. I had left God so many years ago and now I wanted and desired a deep personal relationship with Him again. I knew I was saved, as we Baptist call it, I was backsliden. I was way, way back. But all it took was, what I call a coming to Jesus meeting, and getting serious first with my confession of sins, then a deep yearning and transparency with the Lord. I was assigned Bible readings by my counselor and we would discuss them. I was truly thirsting for Him and His word and that hadn't happened in years.

So as you see you can get past the feelings of being cursed by God for your disease or ailment. I did and I am no one special just a child of God, and He is calling for you to come home. So as my favorite artist Mandisa sings, "take the shackles off my feet, and I want to dance, I want to dance, take the shackles off my feet, I just want to praise you, I just want to praise you." Let that be your prayer to overcome the bondage of your disease. No I am not cured, but I am beginning to learn how to live in God's will. I will continue to share my story.