Seeing clearly!

Recently I started to have migraines again.  So bad that I had to go to the Emergency Room with one, and that hasn't happened for about a year.  I have been blessed, but couldn't understand why all of sudden I was having them again.  I realized that my eyes have been hurting some so I knew I was way overdue for an eye examination.  So I went.

The doctor said in a joking manner, "You are driving without glasses."  That then was the realization that I needed to be wearing glasses all the time to see things clearly and to no longer get those headaches from my bad eyes.

I think we are often the same in our Christian life.  We get so used to seeing things our way that when God speaks to use we don't even recognize His voice.  We squint through life, like I was, that we often forget the big picture of what we were created for.  We get so bogged down with our own issues, problems, and opinions that God's can't be seen. 

We need to have a spiritual eye exam and see if we are seeing clearly.  We need to look at things through God's eyes not our own.  Our own is often ruled by the flesh and we need to be ruled by the Spirit.  Sometimes we just need to stop and recognize who God is and who we are truly in Him.  Our vision is not clear unless we look through God's eyes not our own and not just see His will but also do it.

Control and this Bee!

I read a quote this week that just pierced my heart.  Control the controllable and let God control the uncontrollable.  That is such a profound statement.  There are many things in my life that I can controll; however, there are circumstances and things that are just not in my territory they are God's.  I need to let Him control them.  Now being a little OCD about things that is very hard, but that is the only way to find true peace and harmony in my life.

I need to say "Whatever!" Lord, more often.  Not in the demeaning way, but giving up my life to Him.  Whatever in the since that I am His, and He is ultimately and completely in control.  So on those down days when I can't seem to get it all together I can roll with the punches as the moods swings and realize that I can't control everything.  God does!

Flying High as High as a Bee can Go!

I teach the Youth at our Church and tomorrow we are studying about Enoch..  There is not a whole lot in the Bible about him, but the things we do know are pretty awesome.  He was a man that walked so close to God that he never died.  He was raptured on up to Heaven.  Now that's pretty neat.  Not having to face the torment or frailty of death itself.  He was just taken straight to Heaven to be with Jesus face to face.

I would love to not have to face death, but unfortunately it is a part of life.  What a testimony to have to be known of being a man or woman that walked that close to God!  I know I often times just fail at reading my Bible or praying like I should.  Much less walking in a day to day relationship with Him, and not failing or wavering.  Now Enoch was not perfect like Jesus Christ, but he took His relationship with God serious.  That is were I take it for granted!

Depression can often cloud your view of where God is and if He is even there.  I can assure you that He is there waiting right where you left Him.  Waiting for you to call out to Him, because He wants to carry you through the deepest and darkest of times. 

With the Bipolar some days are up and some days are down, but most days are pretty even.  I guess that is the reality of my life, but it should keep me on guard and on my toes.  Especially with my relationship with the Lord, I pray that I am so close to Him in the good times that I can feel His presence carrying me through the bad.  I want to be known when I die as a person that walked with God.  What a legacy!

Not Much Flying for this Bee

Today has just been an ok day.  I have those every now and then.  Nothing spectacular is going on or no real circumstances for me to feel this way.  I am just down.  So what to do?

I have tried to keep myself busy.  If my body is not idle neither is my mind.  I have planned ahead youth activities for the church.  Menus for the week are done.  So there is only so much you can do before you drive yourself OCD crazy.

I have just faced the facts that it is ok just to have an ok day.  Nothing wrong with that.  I dont feel like doing or being much today.  There is this book I am reading  and the title is I'm Not Wonder Woman, But God Made Me Wonderful.  So today I am certainly not Wonder Woman but even though I cant or dont feel it right now, I know deep inside that God did certainly make me wonderful.  Bipolar and all!

Real Emotions for this Bee

  If everyone did only what they wanted to do nothing would get done.  Some people make decisions and sometimes very important ones based on how they "feel" at the time.  The Bible says that "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways."  So how can we depend on our own feelings.  This is something that I struggle with greatly, because I am a very emotional person.  My feelings change often and I have to keep them in check with what the Lord wants not what I want.

In the battle of life we must CHOOSE.  Choose to take medication because we know it is better for us than the alternative.  Choose to go to counseling because we know it will help out ourselves and our family.  Choose to exercise because we know it will help the depression and all over mindset, but I did not say the choice would be easy or likeable.  I don't often times like these things, but I know they are best for me.  We have to Choose to do what's right even when everyone else is doing wrong or telling us otherwise. 

Emotions have no intellect.  They connect themselves to whatever thought is taking place.  Like a speck of dust floating in the air and then finally landing on something.  One piece wont get to you, but you let it pile up and before long you have a mess.  Deal with your emotions in a positive manner.  Cry them out if you need too.  It's ok to have a good old fashion coming to Jesus meeting in your prayer closet.  That's what often happens is that we dont deal with the emotions as they come.

Choose to reject negativity.  Dont let Satan steal your joy.  I have before and may be there again some day but the other side is far better. 

What If or What Will for this Bee?

I got back in touch with an old friend today and it brought back many memories.  All very good ones, I might add, but it got me to thinking about what if's?  I live sometimes on the what if's?  What if I didn't have to live on pills because of the Bipolar?  What would life be like?  Been there done that not going back.  What if I could work a full time job again and not struggle with money?  God has me at this place in my life for a reason.  So I could go on and on with the what if's.  Many are very Big decisions in my life and some are very small, but I can't live on the what if's.  I have to accept each and every day as gift from God and live it to the best of my ability for Him.  Who knows what He has in store for me in the future, but in His word it tells us to be content.  So I accept my place in life at this time and strive to do His will each and every day that He gives me.  So not what if -what will?  What will I do with this time for Him?

More than Drama for this Bee

I have noticed lately that I have been drawn into every day drama of other people's lives and it has really bothered me.  I have been burdened by the pessimistic nature of so many people and often myself.  Walking around often always talking about the negative things and not doing what we are created to do which is praise Jesus.  So I have a new motto that I am starting to say, let's just Praise Jesus when I hear people often complaining about mundane and needless things.  It often changes the mood and attitude.  I don't want to find myself in this predicament anymore so I am praying for wisdom and strength to be an encourgaer and not a discourager.  There is more to life than drama!

A Bee is a Good Idea

Since you were God's idea; you are a good idea.  Yes, you!  The one that was created in His image to do good works.  The one that He knew in your Mother's womb.  So when you feel all alone or are in the attitude of not liking yourself Remember God likes you and He has prayed for you.  So there is no reason to stay in that state of mentality. 

I know it is alot easier said than done, because I struggle with low self-esteem.  I struggle with being a pessimist by nature.  But that is not who God wants me to be.  He has made me to be more than a conqueror.  Not just to conquer something or get by, but more than a conqueror that is a pretty amazing thought.  The Bible also states to Be strong and of a good courage, so we can have that confidence in yourself through the Lord Jesus.

So know that you don't have to stay defeated or down, nor do you have to stay negative.  God has created you for a specific purpose.  You are special and you choose to allow Satan to keep you defeated and listen to his lies or know the truth and truth shall set you free.

The Bee's Masks

     A mask can be a tricky thing.  It can be used for both good and bad.  It disguises us into something else. I decided along time ago to stop wearing a mask.  Now their are certain situations were I have to put one on for another person's well good or well-being, but for the most part I don't.
     When we take our masks off, we can recognize each other's pain.  We become transparent and yes sometimes vulnerable, but if it is to help someone else then why not.  Isn't that what we are called to do?
     I don't go around with a sign that says, "I am Bipolar."  I do however share with those who ask or are going through a tough time.  I share how far I have come by the grace of God.  I can share my experiences.  We go through things to learn from them and grow, and if I can make someone else's journey a little easier I will.
    If I am struggling, I let my close inner circle of friends know so that they can pray for me.  I am reading a book right now that sums it all up in the title.  I'm Not a WONDER WOMAN but God Made Me Wonderful!

Short Life of a Bee

I teach the teenage Sunday School class at our Church and the lesson is on making wise choices.  Or that is the direction I am going!  I always use the book as a basis, but I do my own thing.  I am just crazy that way. 

Anyway back to the lesson, I am using an object lesson that life is sooo short in the realm of eternity.  It is like the Bible says a vapor.  I am using a long rope and I have put a piece of duct tape on a short end of it showing that this rope represents our life, and the tape shows our life on this earth.  The whole rope shows our life in eternity.  I made each of them a small rope bookmark with a little piece of tape on it to remind them that the choices that we make here on earth are they worth it in the scope of eternity.

When I got to thinking about this, I thought about my Momma.  She had such a short life, but now she is enjoying her true life in eternity and I can truly say her short little life was well lived.  I know that the choices she made both for herself and for us as kids where for the honor and glory of the Lord.

On this Mother's Day, it is my prayer with a heavy heart that I can grow up and be like my Momma some day!

Mother's Day for this Bee

      This week every year you can bet I am going to get down.  Losing my Mother at such an early age, it sees like I was robbed of so many things.  I know as a Christian she is in a better place, but the selfish side of me wants her here.  I have so many things to say and so many things I want her to see.  I want her to see my niece get married.  I want her to see how I am raising my kids like she raised me.
     I know I shouldn't rob my boys from a blessing by being upset and down, but losing your Mom is horrible.  She is my best friend, besides my husband.  She was the most Godly woman I know.  She never said an ugly word about anyone. (I needed to take more lessons!)  She fought a good fight until the bitter end, but she was tired and ready to meet her maker.  So with tears in my eyes and a very heavy heart I try to understand God's reasoning.  I wouldn't want her back sick, but I would like just one more of those big special Nana hugs like only she should give. 
      So if you still have your Mother and you get to enjoy her through many long years cherish every moment.  You just don't understand until she is gone what it is like to have something until she is gone.  The Lord broke the mold when He made Nana.  She was one of a kind.  The best friend, Grandma, and Christian friend you could ever imagine.  So Mom I love you and miss you terribly,  I hope you have a Happy Mother's Day sitting at the feet of Jesus. 

When the Bee is in Trouble

     I believe in God and I believe in His existence.  I also trust in God's ability to see me through life's circumstances.  But why do I often doubt God, when I know time and time again He is going to say as His words states, " I will never leave the nor forsake thee."
      Well, sometimes that is alot easier said than done.  For one we are a very selfish generation, we don't like sharing.  With that comes sharing even our burdens and problems with the Lord, we take on this prideful attitude that we can do it on our own and we don't need any help.  Then in the long rune we go running to God when we have made a real mess of things expecting Him to pick up the pieces.  Why don't we just go to Him first?
     He cares for us.  I believe that He wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives.  Even the most insignificant things that we think He is too busy to handle.  He knows the numbers of hairs on my head, so my gracious why wouldn't he want to be involved in every facet of our lives.
     I have been through some very eventful and trying times in my life.  More than some will every know, but He has proved Himself to be worthy of my praise.  He created me and that is enough reason to honor Him.  We often wait to do that when we are in pinch or bind and can't see our way out.  God is a loving and merciful God and He is always there to pick us right back up out our pit and place us on a solid foundation.
    I love Him more and more each day as I get in His word and realize just how much that He does for me.  Do you love Him more today than you did yesterday, I hope so!

I am Proud to be a Bee

     It is very interesting to teach the teenage Sunday School class.  You never know the kind of answers or even questions that you might get from them, but I love it.  It keeps in the word and on my toes.
    This week I asked them a question if they loved themselves.  Two of them responded yes emphatically and the rest just sat there.  I was very surprised by the answer and yet very proud for the two of them that do. 
     We went on to discuss things about why and why not and I realized something so true and real.  Social media has our minds so messed up on what is acceptable and what is not that who can blame anyone for not loving themselves.  However, we have a Bible that is written through and through that we were created in His image and how can we not love that? 
     It was a light bulb moment for me.  Something so simple yet so surreal.  My God created me to be me and there is only one of me.  Some may say that is a good thing, but I believe that God wants us to love ourselves because we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
     Now I might not like everything about myself.  I need to lose weight, I color my hair, and I wish my teeth were whiter, but are those things that make us me?  Those our external things and I am talking about the true inner me.  The core of who I am. 
     In the Bible are two great commandments.  To love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself.  How can you do the second if you don't love yourself?  So if asked again if I loved myself then I would have to raise my hand!

Hello Everyone,
     Sorry it has been sooo long since I have posted.  It has been a crazy schedule and I bet you thought I had forgotten. 
     I have been very stable these days.  Barely any swings if any that I can recall.  I am taking my meds as told too and I have even had surgery since I was on here last.  I has a kidney stone removed.  I am just not getting over that.  It is frustrating though because I don't have all my energy back.  I am ready to go and worship the Lord tomorrow in Church with all my Church family that I love so dearly.
     I was asked once a very pointed question.  Am I happy about or do I even want to be a Preacher's wife?  At that time who knows what my answer would have been, but now as I have pondered the thought I whole heartedly say yes!  I say yes because my husband has been called to do the most important job in the world, preach the word to people.  I know at time it gets crazy with the the visits and phone calls and etc., but that comes with the territory.  The eternal reward is far greater than this world could ever afford.
     So ladies please support your husband in his ministry endeavors in whatever that capacity may be.  He is doing God's work and who are we to stand in the way for that.  We are called to be a help mate for him and that is in all things.  Even though we may not like it or or the road may be rocky at times, support him in all He does and God will truly reward the both of you as a whole unit. 
      I know we often look at it that he was the one called and not you, but you can be the one to either make it or break it!

A Refreshed Bee

I read a statement the other day that really caught my attention. You have to take your garbage out when it gets full. The garbage man does not come in and get it for you. Neither will God! But if we confess it, He has promised to pick it up and throw it away. If you keep it in, your house gets stinky.

So it is the same way with the things that we put in our mind. The kind of music we listen to, the tv shows and movies we watch. What we fill our mind with will come out. Romans 12:2 states, "And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Now this is not an instant process. This is a daily transformation of ourselves to be more and more like Jesus.

With depression the mind can get boggled up with negativity and confusion, but "If we live in the Spirit. let us also walk in the Spirit." Galatians 5:25 Satan likes to put snares out there for us and get our focus inwardly and not outwardly on Christ.

From experience, I lived way to many years listening to the voice of the Devil and all his lies. His voice overshadowed anything and everything I knew as a Christian. I believed his lies and therefore he had me in a bondage of depression. My Deliverer set me free by breaking me and molding me into a vessel that can be used for Him.

Now I am not saying that I am perfect by any means nor is God through making and molding me, but I am daily learning how to walk in the Spirit. Now I now that all my problems are not always from being bipolar but some are from being away from the will of God. I still struggle with the issues of being bipolar and the anxiety issues, but if I will remember I have a Father who cares and wants to help me through the storms.

A New Chapter in the Bee's Life

I have started a new chapter in my life. I am working from my home part-time. It is only a few hours a week, but it is something. I haven't worked since January 2010. So this is a start! Being bipolar and working it is so hard sometimes because you never know what kind of mood you will be in when you wake up. Is it an up or down day or right in the middle.

I have been doing good for now and now that as the the old song says, "One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking from you." I believe that is all He asks from us who deal with emotional issues. One day at a time! And so maybe it was a not so good day, relish in the fact of what you did get accomplished. The small things like getting out of bed, helping your kids with homework, doing a load of laundry. To many those things might be trivial, but I know those things are gigantic to one who is struggling.

One the issue of doing something, you really don't want to do is a case I struggle with. My anxiety kicks in and my brakes go on and it's like I can't move forward. But I am trying to work on that one whether the outcome of doing it outweighs the struggle and in most cases "Yes!" But I know when you are in that situation, you can't see the end result so you have to rely on trusting in God that He knows your heart. So sometimes I plaster that smile on, most times it is for real, and others times we just can't go there.

Old Feelings for this Bee

Today was one of those not so good days. I was hurting from kidney stone, eyes blood shot for whatever reason, congested, and feeling blah. I didn't want to be around people either. So what do you do?

Do you listen to your body and take a day of rest or do you drudge through and make yourself do. Well, I did a little of both. I was up today and did accomplish a few things in the house and helped the boys with homework, but on the other hand couldn't make myself do much else!

Did I fail today? I may have in some eyes, but I did what I thought was best. God knows my heart and He understands me. I get scared that I may be falling into that depression pit again, but I can't count my chickens before they hatch as they say.

I just take it one day at a time sweet Jesus! And tomorrow is a new morning.

The Doubting Bee

Do you ever doubt God? I do! I don't know why or even how it ever starts, but it does. I have situations that come up in my life and I know I need the Lord to take care of them, because there is no way in my control that it could get resolved. So I pray sincerely and earnestly about it, and then I pick the burden right back up and carry the load full of worry and doubt.

God never intended for us to carry the load on our own. He has proven that by sending His Son to die for us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and fix for our deepest rooted problem of sin. So why then do I worry over petty things. He has proven Himself time and time again in my Life that He has it all under control in His own time.

That is the problem that we live in a fast food country. We want everything NOW! But God does not work on our time table He works on His own. In the process of waiting for God to take control of a sitation and "fix" it for us, try next time to draw closer to Him instead of carrying that burden all by yourself. You will realize that He is always right on time.

The Bee's hiding place!

When guilt occupies the secret places in ou lives, we can let it cripple us, or we can allow God to set us free. Bipolar people or people that deal with depression often encounter this statement. We have guilt from so many areas of our life. Then the why's kick in! Why do I have this or why won't it get any better. Why can't I just be normal. (Please define normal because I have not been able to find it yet!)

Deep down in the secret places of our hearts we have these questions and we carry guilt. I carry alot of guilt in me. Why can't I just stop sleeping so much? Why can't I ever follow through with what I start? Why don't I spend more quality time with my family? Why? Why? Why?'s can eat you alive. You have to give them over to God and allow Him to set you free.

You don't have to be perfect or push yourself to be worthy of God's love. We need to walk away from the past and concentrate on the future to see what God is going to do in our lives'.

Whatever You Buzz To!

Many things can cloud our view of reality. Whatever you run to just to get through the day is your God. As a person with bipolar, we often cling to things that are stable and real. I know at different times in my life I have run to many different comforts in my life - food being the easiest. But when I run to those things and put anything before God it becomes an idol. I don't want idols in my life. I want Jesus.

I have learned so much from my mistakes, but the problem is when I repeat them.

So I will try each and every day to put Christ on the throne of my heart.