The Doubting Bee

Do you ever doubt God? I do! I don't know why or even how it ever starts, but it does. I have situations that come up in my life and I know I need the Lord to take care of them, because there is no way in my control that it could get resolved. So I pray sincerely and earnestly about it, and then I pick the burden right back up and carry the load full of worry and doubt.

God never intended for us to carry the load on our own. He has proven that by sending His Son to die for us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and fix for our deepest rooted problem of sin. So why then do I worry over petty things. He has proven Himself time and time again in my Life that He has it all under control in His own time.

That is the problem that we live in a fast food country. We want everything NOW! But God does not work on our time table He works on His own. In the process of waiting for God to take control of a sitation and "fix" it for us, try next time to draw closer to Him instead of carrying that burden all by yourself. You will realize that He is always right on time.

The Bee's hiding place!

When guilt occupies the secret places in ou lives, we can let it cripple us, or we can allow God to set us free. Bipolar people or people that deal with depression often encounter this statement. We have guilt from so many areas of our life. Then the why's kick in! Why do I have this or why won't it get any better. Why can't I just be normal. (Please define normal because I have not been able to find it yet!)

Deep down in the secret places of our hearts we have these questions and we carry guilt. I carry alot of guilt in me. Why can't I just stop sleeping so much? Why can't I ever follow through with what I start? Why don't I spend more quality time with my family? Why? Why? Why?'s can eat you alive. You have to give them over to God and allow Him to set you free.

You don't have to be perfect or push yourself to be worthy of God's love. We need to walk away from the past and concentrate on the future to see what God is going to do in our lives'.

Whatever You Buzz To!

Many things can cloud our view of reality. Whatever you run to just to get through the day is your God. As a person with bipolar, we often cling to things that are stable and real. I know at different times in my life I have run to many different comforts in my life - food being the easiest. But when I run to those things and put anything before God it becomes an idol. I don't want idols in my life. I want Jesus.

I have learned so much from my mistakes, but the problem is when I repeat them.

So I will try each and every day to put Christ on the throne of my heart.

The Bee's Frustrations

I have begun to notice some things about being bipolar that are very frustrating. One is the short term memory loss. I can't remember anything. It becomes very confusing for my husband and I because things will just have happened and I can't remember them. We will watch a movie and I can't remember it later. Most of all it is frustrating when I try to memorize Bible scripture and I can't recall the things that I have studied or worked on.

Second is the getting out of my routine can be exhausting. I tell everyone routine, routine, routine is the best thing for a bipolar person. I may not have the best routine, but it works for me. I have been out of town for the last three weeks and out of my routine. It has been fun to go and do different things, but being out of my routine is very taxing on my body as well as my mind. As I come home from each of these weeks, I feel very exhausted as most people do, but I also feel mentally drained when I should have had fun. Not to say that I didn't have any fun, I did but I pay the price coming down off that mountain. It is like someone popped my balloon.

I know these are not major issues, but they are as my title says frustrating. I am sorry for not being like everyone else, but I am not. I am different and I have to deal with things differently. People don't understand that but this is who I am. God made me special in His way and I have to accept that even if no one else around understands that. I have to take care of me and I know what is best for me.

The bee's maker

I sit here with the back door open and I am listening to the birds chirping. I am thinking about how beautiful God's creation is and then I remember, oh yeah, I am part of that too. If He could create such a world to be so great and perfect why do I question how He created me.

I know I have bipolar but he knows too. I know I have an anxiety disorder, but He knows too. He created me to be me. Unique and special in every way. Psalm 139:14 states, " I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works." So He made me and called me marvellous. That's pretty awesome. Now some days I don't always feel awesome. I just feel a little fearfully, but He still loves me then. He loves me no matter what. He loves me so much He sent His son to die on the cross for me. Now that's pretty special.

So as you go through your day to day walk. Find things that God created and realize you can just look in the mirror and see one of His prized creations.

The Bee's Mask

How is it that you can be surrounded by wonderful people and still feel alone? I often feel that way. My own insecurities get in the way. They are always whispering in my ear to keep me from being the true me. That I know is Satan's tactics to keep me down, but why do I listen to him and allow him to determine my mood or my mindset. I have listened to him so long that I believe Him that God's promises are foreign to me. I know what they say but do I believe them in my heart. It's that part of "renewing of your mind" part that I have trouble with. I often put a mask on that everything is ok, not always but sometimes. Mostly in public where I am constantly looking over my shoulder wondering who is saying what. I deal with that mostly because of my weight. Why can't I just take the mask off or why can't I be secure in who I am? I know I can in Christ, but knowing and doing is a much harder task. My prayer is that I can just be me. That I can be in a crowd and stand tall and proud of who I am and who God has made me. That I can stop wearing masks and let people know what is truly going on inside so they can pray for me. I pray that others, as well as myself, will listen to the one true voice and not those negative voices of Satan keeping us defeated.

The Bee depending on God

I have always been an independent person. Relying on myself and also blaming myself for the problems that arise. I used to carry alot of guilt, but as time has gone by I have learned there is no need to carry all the burdens. Jesus took care of everything at Calvary. This week has been an eventful week for my family. My husband and I had our 13 anniversary. We went on a little trip while the kids stayed with their Grandma (Ma Boo) and they went on a little trip. Well, while we were 7 hours away our car died. I mean D I E D to the graveyard it went. But we stranded on had no idea what to do, so my husband got on the phone and to make a long story short a church full of people came through for us and helped us out with a loving hand. I doubted once again, Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." But why do I doubt Him, he has always come through for me and He went above and beyond by dieing for me on the cross. So the end of the story is a another church gave us a car. Why do I get discouraged? Why do I worry or fret? Why do I feel defeated? Because that is how Satan wants us to feel. Those feelings are from Satan. I know feel blessed beyond measure.a I was a little afraid that circumstantial depression would set in. That is a depression that is caused because of the things that you are going through not a chemical change. That is probably the most typical of all the depressions. But how could I get depressed, because I had been so richly blessed. So when you get down and discouraged, begin to think on the blessings that you have. Make a list of all the things you are thankful for and read it over and over again. That is enough to make you forget the circumstances that you are in and just allow you to praise the Lord with a thankful heart.