A New Chapter in the Bee's Life

I have started a new chapter in my life. I am working from my home part-time. It is only a few hours a week, but it is something. I haven't worked since January 2010. So this is a start! Being bipolar and working it is so hard sometimes because you never know what kind of mood you will be in when you wake up. Is it an up or down day or right in the middle.

I have been doing good for now and now that as the the old song says, "One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking from you." I believe that is all He asks from us who deal with emotional issues. One day at a time! And so maybe it was a not so good day, relish in the fact of what you did get accomplished. The small things like getting out of bed, helping your kids with homework, doing a load of laundry. To many those things might be trivial, but I know those things are gigantic to one who is struggling.

One the issue of doing something, you really don't want to do is a case I struggle with. My anxiety kicks in and my brakes go on and it's like I can't move forward. But I am trying to work on that one whether the outcome of doing it outweighs the struggle and in most cases "Yes!" But I know when you are in that situation, you can't see the end result so you have to rely on trusting in God that He knows your heart. So sometimes I plaster that smile on, most times it is for real, and others times we just can't go there.

Old Feelings for this Bee

Today was one of those not so good days. I was hurting from kidney stone, eyes blood shot for whatever reason, congested, and feeling blah. I didn't want to be around people either. So what do you do?

Do you listen to your body and take a day of rest or do you drudge through and make yourself do. Well, I did a little of both. I was up today and did accomplish a few things in the house and helped the boys with homework, but on the other hand couldn't make myself do much else!

Did I fail today? I may have in some eyes, but I did what I thought was best. God knows my heart and He understands me. I get scared that I may be falling into that depression pit again, but I can't count my chickens before they hatch as they say.

I just take it one day at a time sweet Jesus! And tomorrow is a new morning.

The Doubting Bee

Do you ever doubt God? I do! I don't know why or even how it ever starts, but it does. I have situations that come up in my life and I know I need the Lord to take care of them, because there is no way in my control that it could get resolved. So I pray sincerely and earnestly about it, and then I pick the burden right back up and carry the load full of worry and doubt.

God never intended for us to carry the load on our own. He has proven that by sending His Son to die for us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and fix for our deepest rooted problem of sin. So why then do I worry over petty things. He has proven Himself time and time again in my Life that He has it all under control in His own time.

That is the problem that we live in a fast food country. We want everything NOW! But God does not work on our time table He works on His own. In the process of waiting for God to take control of a sitation and "fix" it for us, try next time to draw closer to Him instead of carrying that burden all by yourself. You will realize that He is always right on time.

The Bee's hiding place!

When guilt occupies the secret places in ou lives, we can let it cripple us, or we can allow God to set us free. Bipolar people or people that deal with depression often encounter this statement. We have guilt from so many areas of our life. Then the why's kick in! Why do I have this or why won't it get any better. Why can't I just be normal. (Please define normal because I have not been able to find it yet!)

Deep down in the secret places of our hearts we have these questions and we carry guilt. I carry alot of guilt in me. Why can't I just stop sleeping so much? Why can't I ever follow through with what I start? Why don't I spend more quality time with my family? Why? Why? Why?'s can eat you alive. You have to give them over to God and allow Him to set you free.

You don't have to be perfect or push yourself to be worthy of God's love. We need to walk away from the past and concentrate on the future to see what God is going to do in our lives'.

Whatever You Buzz To!

Many things can cloud our view of reality. Whatever you run to just to get through the day is your God. As a person with bipolar, we often cling to things that are stable and real. I know at different times in my life I have run to many different comforts in my life - food being the easiest. But when I run to those things and put anything before God it becomes an idol. I don't want idols in my life. I want Jesus.

I have learned so much from my mistakes, but the problem is when I repeat them.

So I will try each and every day to put Christ on the throne of my heart.