I read a statement the other day that really caught my attention. You have to take your garbage out when it gets full. The garbage man does not come in and get it for you. Neither will God! But if we confess it, He has promised to pick it up and throw it away. If you keep it in, your house gets stinky.
So it is the same way with the things that we put in our mind. The kind of music we listen to, the tv shows and movies we watch. What we fill our mind with will come out. Romans 12:2 states, "And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Now this is not an instant process. This is a daily transformation of ourselves to be more and more like Jesus.
With depression the mind can get boggled up with negativity and confusion, but "If we live in the Spirit. let us also walk in the Spirit." Galatians 5:25 Satan likes to put snares out there for us and get our focus inwardly and not outwardly on Christ.
From experience, I lived way to many years listening to the voice of the Devil and all his lies. His voice overshadowed anything and everything I knew as a Christian. I believed his lies and therefore he had me in a bondage of depression. My Deliverer set me free by breaking me and molding me into a vessel that can be used for Him.
Now I am not saying that I am perfect by any means nor is God through making and molding me, but I am daily learning how to walk in the Spirit. Now I now that all my problems are not always from being bipolar but some are from being away from the will of God. I still struggle with the issues of being bipolar and the anxiety issues, but if I will remember I have a Father who cares and wants to help me through the storms.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
A New Chapter in the Bee's Life
I have started a new chapter in my life. I am working from my home part-time. It is only a few hours a week, but it is something. I haven't worked since January 2010. So this is a start! Being bipolar and working it is so hard sometimes because you never know what kind of mood you will be in when you wake up. Is it an up or down day or right in the middle.
I have been doing good for now and now that as the the old song says, "One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking from you." I believe that is all He asks from us who deal with emotional issues. One day at a time! And so maybe it was a not so good day, relish in the fact of what you did get accomplished. The small things like getting out of bed, helping your kids with homework, doing a load of laundry. To many those things might be trivial, but I know those things are gigantic to one who is struggling.
One the issue of doing something, you really don't want to do is a case I struggle with. My anxiety kicks in and my brakes go on and it's like I can't move forward. But I am trying to work on that one whether the outcome of doing it outweighs the struggle and in most cases "Yes!" But I know when you are in that situation, you can't see the end result so you have to rely on trusting in God that He knows your heart. So sometimes I plaster that smile on, most times it is for real, and others times we just can't go there.
I have been doing good for now and now that as the the old song says, "One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking from you." I believe that is all He asks from us who deal with emotional issues. One day at a time! And so maybe it was a not so good day, relish in the fact of what you did get accomplished. The small things like getting out of bed, helping your kids with homework, doing a load of laundry. To many those things might be trivial, but I know those things are gigantic to one who is struggling.
One the issue of doing something, you really don't want to do is a case I struggle with. My anxiety kicks in and my brakes go on and it's like I can't move forward. But I am trying to work on that one whether the outcome of doing it outweighs the struggle and in most cases "Yes!" But I know when you are in that situation, you can't see the end result so you have to rely on trusting in God that He knows your heart. So sometimes I plaster that smile on, most times it is for real, and others times we just can't go there.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Old Feelings for this Bee
Today was one of those not so good days. I was hurting from kidney stone, eyes blood shot for whatever reason, congested, and feeling blah. I didn't want to be around people either. So what do you do?
Do you listen to your body and take a day of rest or do you drudge through and make yourself do. Well, I did a little of both. I was up today and did accomplish a few things in the house and helped the boys with homework, but on the other hand couldn't make myself do much else!
Did I fail today? I may have in some eyes, but I did what I thought was best. God knows my heart and He understands me. I get scared that I may be falling into that depression pit again, but I can't count my chickens before they hatch as they say.
I just take it one day at a time sweet Jesus! And tomorrow is a new morning.
Do you listen to your body and take a day of rest or do you drudge through and make yourself do. Well, I did a little of both. I was up today and did accomplish a few things in the house and helped the boys with homework, but on the other hand couldn't make myself do much else!
Did I fail today? I may have in some eyes, but I did what I thought was best. God knows my heart and He understands me. I get scared that I may be falling into that depression pit again, but I can't count my chickens before they hatch as they say.
I just take it one day at a time sweet Jesus! And tomorrow is a new morning.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Doubting Bee
Do you ever doubt God? I do! I don't know why or even how it ever starts, but it does. I have situations that come up in my life and I know I need the Lord to take care of them, because there is no way in my control that it could get resolved. So I pray sincerely and earnestly about it, and then I pick the burden right back up and carry the load full of worry and doubt.
God never intended for us to carry the load on our own. He has proven that by sending His Son to die for us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and fix for our deepest rooted problem of sin. So why then do I worry over petty things. He has proven Himself time and time again in my Life that He has it all under control in His own time.
That is the problem that we live in a fast food country. We want everything NOW! But God does not work on our time table He works on His own. In the process of waiting for God to take control of a sitation and "fix" it for us, try next time to draw closer to Him instead of carrying that burden all by yourself. You will realize that He is always right on time.
God never intended for us to carry the load on our own. He has proven that by sending His Son to die for us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and fix for our deepest rooted problem of sin. So why then do I worry over petty things. He has proven Himself time and time again in my Life that He has it all under control in His own time.
That is the problem that we live in a fast food country. We want everything NOW! But God does not work on our time table He works on His own. In the process of waiting for God to take control of a sitation and "fix" it for us, try next time to draw closer to Him instead of carrying that burden all by yourself. You will realize that He is always right on time.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The Bee's hiding place!
When guilt occupies the secret places in ou lives, we can let it cripple us, or we can allow God to set us free. Bipolar people or people that deal with depression often encounter this statement. We have guilt from so many areas of our life. Then the why's kick in! Why do I have this or why won't it get any better. Why can't I just be normal. (Please define normal because I have not been able to find it yet!)
Deep down in the secret places of our hearts we have these questions and we carry guilt. I carry alot of guilt in me. Why can't I just stop sleeping so much? Why can't I ever follow through with what I start? Why don't I spend more quality time with my family? Why? Why? Why?'s can eat you alive. You have to give them over to God and allow Him to set you free.
You don't have to be perfect or push yourself to be worthy of God's love. We need to walk away from the past and concentrate on the future to see what God is going to do in our lives'.
Deep down in the secret places of our hearts we have these questions and we carry guilt. I carry alot of guilt in me. Why can't I just stop sleeping so much? Why can't I ever follow through with what I start? Why don't I spend more quality time with my family? Why? Why? Why?'s can eat you alive. You have to give them over to God and allow Him to set you free.
You don't have to be perfect or push yourself to be worthy of God's love. We need to walk away from the past and concentrate on the future to see what God is going to do in our lives'.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Whatever You Buzz To!
Many things can cloud our view of reality. Whatever you run to just to get through the day is your God. As a person with bipolar, we often cling to things that are stable and real. I know at different times in my life I have run to many different comforts in my life - food being the easiest. But when I run to those things and put anything before God it becomes an idol. I don't want idols in my life. I want Jesus.
I have learned so much from my mistakes, but the problem is when I repeat them.
So I will try each and every day to put Christ on the throne of my heart.
I have learned so much from my mistakes, but the problem is when I repeat them.
So I will try each and every day to put Christ on the throne of my heart.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Bee's Frustrations
I have begun to notice some things about being bipolar that are very frustrating. One is the short term memory loss. I can't remember anything. It becomes very confusing for my husband and I because things will just have happened and I can't remember them. We will watch a movie and I can't remember it later. Most of all it is frustrating when I try to memorize Bible scripture and I can't recall the things that I have studied or worked on.
Second is the getting out of my routine can be exhausting. I tell everyone routine, routine, routine is the best thing for a bipolar person. I may not have the best routine, but it works for me. I have been out of town for the last three weeks and out of my routine. It has been fun to go and do different things, but being out of my routine is very taxing on my body as well as my mind. As I come home from each of these weeks, I feel very exhausted as most people do, but I also feel mentally drained when I should have had fun. Not to say that I didn't have any fun, I did but I pay the price coming down off that mountain. It is like someone popped my balloon.
I know these are not major issues, but they are as my title says frustrating. I am sorry for not being like everyone else, but I am not. I am different and I have to deal with things differently. People don't understand that but this is who I am. God made me special in His way and I have to accept that even if no one else around understands that. I have to take care of me and I know what is best for me.
Second is the getting out of my routine can be exhausting. I tell everyone routine, routine, routine is the best thing for a bipolar person. I may not have the best routine, but it works for me. I have been out of town for the last three weeks and out of my routine. It has been fun to go and do different things, but being out of my routine is very taxing on my body as well as my mind. As I come home from each of these weeks, I feel very exhausted as most people do, but I also feel mentally drained when I should have had fun. Not to say that I didn't have any fun, I did but I pay the price coming down off that mountain. It is like someone popped my balloon.
I know these are not major issues, but they are as my title says frustrating. I am sorry for not being like everyone else, but I am not. I am different and I have to deal with things differently. People don't understand that but this is who I am. God made me special in His way and I have to accept that even if no one else around understands that. I have to take care of me and I know what is best for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)